road to starrdom

Fighting for f*#ked over flyers

November 25, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Who has it better: airline passengers or captive cattle? I'm thinking cattle.

ON TUESDAY the U.S. Department of Transportation fined three airlines a total of $175,000 for stranding passengers overnight on a tarmac in Rochester, Minn. last August.

This is the first time airlines have been fined for something like this.

The incident involved passengers being held for hours inside a tiny airplane, with crying babies and overflowing toilets and apparently no water or air conditioning, (it’s hard to say which of these would be worse when you’re stuck on a plane).

Lahood: Vowing to strengthen passenger protections.

“I hope that this sends a signal to the rest of the airline industry that we expect airlines to respect the rights of air travelers,” said Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. “We will also use what we have learned from this investigation to strengthen protections for airline passengers subjected to long tarmac delays.”

Good stuff. We need way more of this kind of accountability when it comes to air travel.

Canada doesn’t fine its airlines (our transport minister should take note of the actions of his American counterpart). Though the federal government did introduce an airline passenger bill of rights in 2008.

Among other things, ‘Flight Rights Canada’ states that “passengers have a right to punctuality.” If a flight delay exceeds 90 minutes, “the airline will offer passengers the option of disembarking from the aircraft until it is time to depart.”

I should hope so. Passengers pay good money to fly but all too often – and I’m speaking from a vast amount of personal experience here – end up getting treated like third-class citizens or captive animals.

Actually, captive animals have it better. They don’t have to deal with surly flight attendants.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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Ripping on the ROM

November 23, 2009 · 1 Comment

Royal Ontario Museum

The ROM and its new addition: building of beauty or one of the world's ugliest?

TORONTO, the city that wants so badly to be considered world class, was dealt a bit of a blow in that quest the other day.

The website www.virtualtourist.com put the city’s Royal Ontario Museum on its list of world’s ugliest buildings.

The ROM opened a new addition two years ago. The Daniel Libeskind-designed aluminum and glass structure, which shoots out in sharp angles, contrasts sharply with the existing museum.

This architectural contrast is the primary reason virtualtourist.com gave for ranking the ROM the eighth ugliest building in the world (it beat out only a library in Kosovo and some yet-to-be built hotel in North Korea on the Top 10 list):

“What I.M. Pei’s pyramid is to the Louvre, so is the relatively new Michael Lee-Chin Crystal to the Royal Ontario Museum. While many praise the glass structure, just as many are troubled by the incongruity to the original, more traditional museum that still sits directly beside it.”

Some readers on the Toronto Star’s website concurred.

“It’s like sticking Godzilla’s head onto Pam Anderson’s body,” is how one commenter described it. (I’m not sure Pamela Anderson could ever be considered an apt analogy for a museum/heritage building – an inflatable bouncy castle, maybe – but I think I get his point.)

Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are just as many, like me for one, who think the ROM addition is a striking architectural achievement worth celebrating. And if the new building is being likened to the Louvre pyramid, that’s good company to be in.

For too long Toronto has been plagued by boring, ugly, conservative architecture. Thankfully times are changing and the ROM addition is one of many projects cropping up around town that take some chances, architecturally speaking.

The folks at virtualtourist.com should be real tourists and come check it all out.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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What an ass

November 19, 2009 · Leave a Comment

YOU CAN FILE this one under world’s dumbest criminals.

The other day a 22-year-old Romanian burglar got caught with his pants down, literally, after he attempted to climb through the window of a supermarket in a small Portugal town.

The would-be thief became trapped halfway through the opening and ended up stuck for 11 hours with his lower half left dangling for all to see. His pants came off as he wriggled to get loose.

While firefighters worked to free this idiot, locals gathered to gawk and laugh at him and his tight black undies.

>> Here’s video of the hilarious scene:

The putz was eventually rescued and taken into police custody (wonder if he’ll be charged with ‘half-assed break and enter’).

Silly old bear.

The video of the incident made me recall a Winnie the Pooh movie I watched when I was a kid. Pooh devours 10 jars of Rabbit’s ‘hunny’ and gets lodged in the door on the way out because he’s grown too fat.

Of course, the difference between Pooh and the worst burglar on earth is that Pooh is a cartoon; a tubby little cubby stuffed with fluff.

The would-be thief is a human being. He should have at least enough logic to gather he wouldn’t fit through that tiny window.

But maybe the guy was broke and hungry and all alone in a foreign land. Perhaps he was breaking into the store in a desperate effort to get something to eat. Too bad for him that he apparently wasn’t thin enough to pull off the heist.

What an unfortunate kick in his black-undied butt.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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The ‘rogue’ gets ready to rumble

November 15, 2009 · Leave a Comment

palingov

Look out 2012, here comes Sarah Palin

SHE’S BA-ACK – and with a vengeance. Sarah Palin’s new memoir, ‘Going Rogue: An American Life‘, hits stores Tuesday. (Should have been called ‘Mavericky: How I Thought the Election Was All About Me and Helped Kill Whatever Chance John McCain Had of Winning It’).

The Baracuda has returned. She never really left, of course. Since failing in her bid with McCain for the White House, and resigning as governor of Alaska in the summer, Palin has served as a vocal conservative counterpoint to the American left, staying in the thick of things by sharing her views – mainly through her Facebook page – on the issues of the day. (She helped perpetuate that whole death panel thing, for example.)

lou-dobbs

Dobbs for president? He certainly looks the part.

With her book hitting stores this week, you’d have to think Palin is taking a first major step toward a 2012 presidential bid. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that Palin could get the nod from the Republicans for the nomination. After all, the party is currently bereft of any notable new contenders. (Though perhaps Lou Dobbs could be one now – he certainly looks presidential.)

UPDATE (Nov. 25): Lou Dobbs weighs Senate run, as a steppingstone

Palin, when she’s not raging against the “liberal media,” has a certain folksy charm and conservative views, all of which is appealing to them there down-home ‘real Americans.’  And it turns out she’s not as clueless as she seemed in her disastrous interviews with Katie Couric during last year’s election.

Why wouldn’t the Republicans go with Palin? President Obama is up against it these days, with two wars, a battered economy, health care reform and climate change. So far, though, he’s had few victories to speak of and has left many supporters wondering what happened.

Crazy though it may seem, is it possible disenchanted independent voters (those who decide elections) would give up on Obama and opt for Sarah Barracuda?

For now at least, there are few signs of that being a possibility. A recent Gallup survey found that 63 per cent of voters would not seriously consider Palin for the White House in 2012. And while she may be popular among Republicans, only 28 per cent of independents – those who make or break elections – think she is qualified to be president.

palin_fey

I can't see the difference, can you?

Still, politics and certainly elections are driven by personality, and Palin has plenty of chutzpah (I have to admit, though, I find it hard sometimes to decipher whether who I’m seeing on television is actually Sarah Palin or Tina Fey… more often than not it’s Fey.)

nailin

Plus, for what it’s worth, she’s apparently sexy enough to inspire a new porn series: “Who’s Nailin’ Palin?” (with both “Obama” and “Joe the Plumber” making appearances as co-stars).

Let’s see Mike Huckabee or Mitt Romney beat that. On second thought, let’s not.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

Related: AP says Palin’s book goes rogue on some facts

>> Palin calls Newsweek cover ’sexist’ and ‘degrading



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Refreshing our memory

November 11, 2009 · 1 Comment

vimy memorial

Canada's Vimy Ridge memorial in France.

NOVEMBER 11 IS Remembrance Day in Canada and a host of other nations. It marks the day in 1918 that World War 1 formally ended with the signing of the armistice.

When I was in school, every Nov. 11 we would gather for an assembly and observe two minutes of silence at 11 a.m. Usually someone would read the poem In Flanders Fields, followed by a bit of elegiac music. Then it was over.

Even at a young age I understood what we were paying tribute to. And I felt grateful for the soldiers who had made the ultimate sacrifice on distant battlefields all those years ago so that I could live in freedom.

Still, as the years went by, and the wars faded farther into the past, I think it became harder for younger people to fully appreciate what we were commemorating; to feel a tangible connection to those veterans.

It certainly didn’t help that in the intervening post-war years, successive Canadian governments slashed military spending and reduced troop levels. In the process they also managed to diminish the reputation of our men and women in uniform.

juno

Canadian soldiers landing at Juno Beach.

Indeed, however unfairly, the Canadian Forces – who stormed Juno Beach on D-Day and helped to liberate France and Holland, among other notable achievements - had become the butt of many a joke. The military came to be regarded more as wimpy peacekeepers than proud warriors who were at the ready to defend our nation.

Thanks to Afghanistan, though, things have changed. Now there is a renewed respect for our military. And rightfully so – they’re doing a difficult job in an awful, unforgiving place, and doing it admirably.

What’s more, with 133 Canadian soldiers having died so far and close to a thousand wounded while fighting in that godforsaken country (to prop up a corrupt, ineffectual government) the harsh realities of war and the immense sacrifices made by our troops are brought home nearly every night on the news.

poppy

Honouring fallen soldiers of wars old - and, unfortunately, new.

So now when Canadians pin on a poppy every November, we’re not only honouring the brave men who died on the battlefields of Europe all those years ago. We’re also paying tribute (sadly) to a growing list of newly fallen soldiers, including the latest, Sapper Steven Marshall, 24, who was killed Oct. 30 by a roadside bomb.

I feel ill every time I hear about the death of another one of our troops. I just hope it helps kids - and adults for that matter - to remember why Nov. 11 still matters, and never forget it.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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We aren’t the losers

November 7, 2009 · Leave a Comment

TORONTO WAS awarded the 2015 Pan Am Games Friday, walloping its competitors Lima, Peru and Bogota, Colombia.

tstar

Pan Am Games: We'll take em!

This will be the first time Toronto hosts a serious international sports event, with the exception of the 1992 and 1993 World Series and the odd indoor track and field championship, or something of similar calibre.

A number of infrastructure projects will get done around town now. New sports facilities, too. There will be lots of other economic spin-offs for Toronto and surrounding municipalities. Though taxpayers will ultimately end up with the big honking bill, of course.

But never mind all that right now. It’s time to rejoice. Winning the Pan Am Games means Toronto is no longer a loser, at least that’s what politicians and the local papers are saying.

Let’s not get too excited here, though. The Pan Am Games are a B-list event at best– they’re not the Olympics. Montreal, Calgary (and soon Vancouver) got to host the Olympics, the biggest of all international sporting events. Despite Toronto’s world class aspirations, the city faltered in its two Olympic bids.

lastman

Lastman: Afraid of being eaten by Kenyans.

It didn’t help back in 2001 when, with Toronto vying to host the 2008 Summer Games that ultimately went to Bejing, then-mayor Mel Lastman (a furniture salesman turned politician who was quite possibly crazy) managed to spark global outrage.

Shortly before leaving for Mombasa, Kenya, on a mission in support of the city’s Olympic bid, Lastman said to a reporter: “What the hell do I want to go to a place like Mombasa?… I’m sort of scared about going out there … I just see myself in a pot of boiling water with all these natives dancing around me.”

Who cares if the Pan Am Games are a poorer cousin of the Olympics. At least Toronto didn’t offend an entire confident this time. Here’s to small victories.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

>> Watch the video Toronto’s delegation presented in Guadalajara:


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Reign over us

November 3, 2009 · 1 Comment

princecharles

Could Canadians handle a King Chuck?

THIS WEEK’S visit to Canada by Prince Charles and Lady Camilla has renewed an age-old debate about whether Canada’s constitutional monarchy should be replaced by an elected head of state.

A former British colony, Canada still retains a significant connection to the Crown, right down to having the Queen E. on our currency. (The governor-general is our resident head of state, the Queen’s viceroy here; but the GG is largely a ceremonial position.)

Friends of mine in England were amused recently when I pulled out a Canadian $20 bill with the Queen’s face on it. I think they enjoyed feeling like they were still our colonial rulers or something.

queen

Canadians have had a lasting fondness for Queen Elizabeth II.

The majority of Canadians seem to hold Queen Elizabeth II in high regard – or are indifferent to her at worst – so the idea of cutting ties with the monarchy has never gained much momentum. There’s a sentimental attachment to her. When the Queen came to the throne back in 1953, Canada was in its adolescence, still trying to figure out who it was in the post-war world. We weren’t British, but not American either. (Unfortunately, it’s an identity crisis that endures to this day.)

In the not-so-distant future, though, the Queen will be gone, and I’m pretty sure Canadians do not feel the same affection for Prince Charles. Indeed, the Toronto Star had a poll that showed 49 per cent of Canadians viewed Charles “unfavourably” (Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, fared marginally better: only 51 per cent didn’t approve of her.)

diana

Diana: Would she have helped keep the royals relevant?

Perhaps things would be different had Diana lived and stayed with Charles. I’m sure she could have given the institution of the royal family renewed staying power in the former colonies. They’re perfectly intelligent and gracious people, Chuck and Camilla, they just don’t have anything close to the same appeal as Diana (could anybody?)

But this is not really about people or personalities. The fact is, it’s high time Canada officially grows up and elects its own head of state (I’m guessing that would be a president?)

I realize ditching the Crown is a lot easier said than done and that a change like this would be complex and complicated to carry out.

It doesn’t have to be the end of everything. Just because we’re breaking free, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t retain certain things. The legal system we inherited from the British, for example. Or our membership in the Commonwealth, an affiliation that offers obvious advantages.

And we still have the cultural ties and places whose names pay homage to the old empire (Prince Edward Island, British Columbia, Alberta, Victoria, Regina, and the list goes on…)

Let the sentimental attachments prevail, but when Queen Elizabeth II’s reign comes to an end, Canada should move toward electing our own independent head of state.

It might not help to solve our identity crisis, but it’s a start. And it sure beats having King Chuck on our $20 bill.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

>> Related: Monarchy in Canada would end with Charles, film argues

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X-ray-ted at the airport

October 30, 2009 · Leave a Comment

CANADA’S PRIVACY commissioner has just given the OK to airport scanners that enable security officers to see through the clothes of travelers.

Ostensibly, this scanner will show if people are packing explosives or any other weapons that might slip through a conventional metal detector.

scanner

Oooh... scanner porn.

Officers will view this three-dimensional image in a separate room, and won’t actually see the traveler he or she is “inspecting” on the screen.

And apparently the images can’t be stored or captured in any way, limiting the chances they’ll end up on some fetish porn site for people who get off on vaguely defined nude airport security images (hey, there’s no accounting for taste).

The manufacturer of the scanners claims the majority of passengers prefer such a full-body scan to having to undress or be patted down.

I have my doubts about this system.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t have much faith in the professionalism or competence of those charged with handling security at airports. They might well be perfectly upstanding citizens, but there are always bad apples (read: perverts) in every bunch.

So what’s to say a bored, underpaid and quite possibly undersexed security dude isn’t going to kick back to enjoy a little scanner-porn on his coffee break.

And if he likes what he sees, maybe he’ll decide he’s in the mood to explore a few cavities; or at the very least ask for some hot girl’s number. After all, he’ll know exactly what he’s in store for.

Who’s the security threat then?

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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PM tunes out

October 28, 2009 · Leave a Comment

harper

Harper: Doesn't want to hear what the news media says about him.

CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER Stephen Harper created a bit of a stink last week when he told a business luncheon that “I don’t like to watch Canadian news.”

The PM, leader of the Conservative Party, said he doesn’t enjoy hearing what “everybody else is saying about me, so my hobby is to watch politics elsewhere … mainly American news.”

Harper is well-known for having not-so-thinly veiled contempt for the press. He’s had a rocky relationship with those who cover him since taking office nearly four years ago.

Perhaps not surprisingly then, the bulk of the outrage over his comments has come from the Canadian news media (as well as opposition politicians, obviously, who have seized on the opportunity to portray Harper as out of touch).

I’m neither a Harper supporter nor a detractor (though I’m not sure the other parties offer a better alternative at the moment). Regardless, I think the reaction to his statement the other day is a tad overblown.

I don’t necessarily believe it’s cool for the PM to admit he doesn’t watch Canadian news, but most of us, if we’re honest, would acknowledge that the subject matter on offer here is generally not all that exciting, despite CBC’s efforts to jazz things up.

But just because Harper doesn’t tune into the Canadian news to follow the political coverage, doesn’t mean he’s uninformed. He is the top dog after all. The guy gets the inside line on the stuff that matters; it’s not like he needs to watch the evening news to know what’s up.

Truth is, it seemed there were just as many people on blogs and in comments sections last week who were with the PM on this one: they don’t watch Canadian news either.

It might be unfair to say that it’s because our news is boring. All I know is that many times I’ve left this country for weeks on end and returned only to find that nothing all that exciting/significant happened while I was gone.

I mean really - what is Harper missing by not tuning into Canadian news? Polar bear trapped on ice floe? Cold snap leads to run on parkas? Beaver population surpasses moose? Maple syrup shortage sparks panic?

Why would the PM bother with this trivial pap when he could just flip on Fox News or CNN and get the latest on Balloon Boy.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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Brewing in the buff

October 25, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Williamson

Williamson: Wouldn't want to see him nude, but did he break the law?

I PITY Eric Williamson, the Springfield, Va dude who was arrested earlier this week for indecent exposure after some lady walking her kid to school spotted him in his kitchen making coffee buck naked and called police.

The woman claims Williamson, 29, deliberately exposed himself, twice. (Apparently the house is located across from a school-bus stop.) And police say Williamson may have been involved in at least one other incident like this.

“I wasn’t wearing any clothes,” he admitted, “but I was alone, in my own home and just got out of bed. It was dark and I had no idea anyone was outside looking in at me.”

>> Watch the news report here:

I feel bad for Williamson. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy being in the buff in your own home when you have the chance? There’s something liberating about it. Didn’t Alanis Morrisette recommended walking around naked in your living room? (Wonder if that would hold up as a defence – ‘Your honour, Alanis said it was OK…’)

Granted, Williamson probably should have thought to close the curtains/blinds, especially if kids are walking past the house on a regular basis. Still, I’m with the people who think the woman who called police is a no good busybody/peeping tom.

Looking at Williamson’s mugshot, I can see why someone might be scared shitless to see this dude in his birthday suit, but he’s no criminal. If he were truly a flasher, wouldn’t he have walked out onto the front lawn to show the world his goods?

A man’s house is his castle, as the saying goes, and he can do what he damn well pleases inside it. Isn’t that freedom? And what’s wrong with the naked body anyway? Williamson’s might be really hairy and disgusting, but it’s the way God made him. This woman needs to get over it.

I just hope Williamson doesn’t ever decide to cook bacon in the nude. No doubt that would teach him to put on a house coat.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

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